some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
