its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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