turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
