Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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