Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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