Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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