im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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