I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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