Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
