So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
