I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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