do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
