I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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