But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
