in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
