R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
cat food counts as protein by the way
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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