Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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