Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
