Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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