Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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