What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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