just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
