I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
