foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have fence marks all over my body
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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