the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
