Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
