I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
