i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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