They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
