remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
