you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize