I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
