I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
