so explain again why im purple
no
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
