party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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