If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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