If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
