there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
