I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
