So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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