so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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