Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
