Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I believe in your delicious
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
