She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
