i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
