It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
