My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
