why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
