The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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