oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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