I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
