I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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