Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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