Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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