I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
