You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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