Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The uberlube is also flammable
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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