I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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