He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
