cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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