can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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