i permit you to call me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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