What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
