a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
