yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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