just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
