I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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