WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
