Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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