I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
