In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
