you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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