I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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