im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
