let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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