college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
