Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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