If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
