That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
