Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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