Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
