i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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