So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize