smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
