did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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