We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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