gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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