I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
